There’s a furniture store in my hometown called “Mor Furniture for Less”. They have the exact same “sale” literally every day of the year. And what does that mean? It means they never actually have a sale and people know that there’s no reason to go into the store right now. If you come back next week or next month, you’ll still be able to get the same prices. Needless to say, the place doesn’t ever have a line of people waiting to go inside. Well, here’s the thing: It works exactly the same way with women…
If you're TOO AVAILABLE, a woman will lose interest in you Click To Tweet
If you’re TOO AVAILABLE, a woman will lose interest in you
Even though you’re actually an awesome guy. Why?Being too available affects her perception of your value and, when it comes to dating, her perception IS reality Click To Tweet
Your perceived availability taps into a deep, subconscious, psychological process that she cannot control even if she wants to. See, a lot of guys out there think something like this. “If I’m ‘here for her’ whenever she wants/needs me, she will like me more and become more attracted to me…” OR: “I gotta strike while the iron is HOT or I’ll lose her! If I don’t keep pursuing her then she’ll forget about me!” OR. “She’s so awesome and beautiful that I have to be available to her any time she can hang out because she must be super busy. I have to take whatever (scraps) I can get…” OR: “I’m not going to play games…
I’m just going to be completely honest. I like her so I’ll just keep texting her every moment of every day. Ask her to hang out whenever I want. I’m not going to wait or give her any space at all; that’s childish and/or manipulative…”
These kinds of thoughts are DANGEROUS and WRONG. Especially if you want to attract a beautiful, amazing woman. Because being too available actually pushes a woman away… While, ironically, pushing her away a little bit in the right way attracts her to you like an electromagnet on full power.
Why BUSY Men are MORE ATTRACTIVE to Women…
Why? Probably because men who are actually busy living a life they love and making things happen are less available to her automatically. And because a truly confident, secure man would not be afraid that she would forget about him or that he would lose her.So, in her subconscious mind, if a guy's a little less available to her, then he must have more going on, he must be more secure, and he must have a better life than the guys who are always available to her whenever she wants… Click To Tweet
And, of course, that makes her A LOT more attracted to him.
On the other hand, if a guy’s available to her any time she wants to see him, talk to him, text him, etc. Then he must not have anything going on in his life. <==She’s forced to think this even if it’s not true.
And, of course, that makes her less attracted to him. If you’re more available to one woman and less available to another, they will see you differently, even though you’re the exact same man.
And, assuming they’re interested in you in the first place, the one that you’re more available to will start losing interest in you at a certain point while the one you’re less available to will become more interested in you. And it actually IS logical if you think about it…
So, what we want to do is to be more of a scarce resource to a woman vs. being like the “Mor Furniture for Less” store. Because being less available will absolutely help you attract the right women for you and being too available absolutely will hurt your chances with women.While we definitely want to LEAD the process of dating forward (pull her in), we also want to make sure we are not too available, that we take a step back after taking a step forward, that we DON'T CHASE her, and that we are a… Click To Tweet
We MUST push and pull or something will be missing and the attraction we are building with her will fall apart like a house of cards. And what does being TOO AVAILABLE actually mean when it comes to dating so we can make sure to avoid this attraction-killing monster? Glad you asked…
How to Make Sure You are NOT Too Available to a Woman…
Here are a few real-life examples of how to make sure a woman’s subconscious mind doesn’t start getting the attraction-killing feeling that you are TOO AVAILABLE:
1. Always end everything before she wants it to end…
For example, let’s say you’re having an amazing first conversation with a woman… Well, instead of letting the conversation run for hours on end and risk it getting stale, when you hit a high point and both of you are laughing and connected, say something like, “Hey I’m having so much fun with you right now but I have to go…give me your number so we can continue the fun later…” Then, hand her your phone with the “add contact” screen open, wait for her to enter her name and number, and once she hands your phone back to you just say, “Nice meeting you tonight Brandi…” and then walk out of the venue.
Also, DO NOT tell her that you’ll call her/text her.
<==Giving away your future plan is part of being too available. Just wait 4-8 days and then ask her out on a date. And, when you touch her on the arm, etc. take away your touch before she wants you to take it away. Don’t let it linger… When you go for a kiss, pull back from the kiss first…
When you’re having a great time on a date, tell her, “This is so much fun! I’d love to hang out with you longer but I have an early meeting tomorrow. I gotta go.” Etc. Always keep her wanting more (= the opposite of being too available/her getting tired of you).
Remember: Lead the interaction ONE step forward, then take it away and pull back before she wants it to end. 2. If she asks you to meet up with her the same day she contacts you, always tell her you’re busy (if you’re just going for hookups, you can go to her house if she invites you…if you want a girlfriend or wife then you should not in this case). Just say, “I’d love to but I’m busy tonight. Wanna meet up on Wednesday instead? I know a great happy hour (Mexican restaurant, etc.)”
Make her a counter-offer for a day or two from now instead of accepting her same-day offer. Because you’re a busy guy and you can’t drop all of your plans for today just to hang out with her BUT of course you want to see her. PLUS, you’ll be the only guy who pushes her away a little bit while every other guy pounces on every text she sends like a hungry tiger. <==
And here’s the key to this one:
You don’t have to tell her exactly what you’re doing… Just tell her you’re busy. Because it’s true and it has the added benefit of making you seem more mysterious… When you just say you’re busy, she has to wonder what you’re doing that day. And, when she’s thinking about you and wondering what you’re doing while you’re not with her, that’s when her interest in you goes up the most.
Also, here’s the thing: You are busy with something. Even if you’re just going to play video games, watch TV, or organize your closet, you actually ARE busy.
You don’t have to have a $1,000,000 client meeting to tell a woman you’re too busy to meet up with her today. =)
All you have to do is be your most intelligent, attractive self. Although, if you do have a meeting like that, it would be really cool haha.
When you accept a woman’s invitation to meet up the same day she asks you to hang out, you are inadvertently showing her that you are TOO AVAILABLE (remember, she can’t help the effects of this).
Now, if you just want one night of hooking up with her, that might not be too much of a big deal… On the other hand, if you want her to become your girlfriend or wife and you want her feelings for you to go UP vs. losing interest in you, it could absolutely become a DEAL-BREAKER that destroys her interest in you. Make sense? Awesome.
3. DO NOT ask her out for another date on a date.
When you’re having a great time on a date with a woman, DO NOT say something like, “Hey, this is so much fun! Let’s do it again on Wednesday? What do you say?” Instead, at the end of your date, just say, “Thanks for the fun time tonight Alexis…” Then, disappear for a while, keep your contact with her to a bare minimum, and then just wait 4-8 days and ask her out again.
4. DO NOT ask her, “When can I see you again?”
Asking a woman when you can see her again does two HORRIBLE things to your chances with her: Number one, it asks her to take the LEAD vs. you just coming up with a date and time that works for you to see her again and then just inviting her to join you…
And, number two, it implies that you are available to her any time she wants to see you. And what does being too available do to female interest again (no matter how sweet and amazing a woman happens to be)? Exactly. You’re really getting this now… Last one:
5. If she declines your date invitation, DO NOT immediately offer her more dates and times that work for you.
When a guy says, “Hey, let’s meet for coffee on Wednesday at 7 pm”
And a gorgeous, awesome woman replies, “I’d love to but I can’t on Wednesday :/” (notice how she does NOT offer him a specific alternative day/time that works for her? She just declines…)
Most guys (who have absolutely no chance of attracting her) will then say something like, “Well, how about Thursday then? Or Friday? Or Saturday? Or Sunday? Or really any time you want from this moment right now until the moment I die…” =)
Well, that’s not what we do because we are intelligent, successful, attractive men.
What we do is say something like, “No problem. Let’s talk later then :)” and finish the texting conversation.
We DO NOT offer her more days and times that we can meet up with her.
Because we understand the terrible consequences of being too available to a woman.
Then, we just wait 4-8 days and ask her out ONE more time.
(By the way, if a woman is interested in you, she will generally offer you a SPECIFIC alternative day and time when she can meet up with you if she can’t make the day and time you offer her when you ask her out: “I can’t make in on Weds…can we do Thursday at 7 instead?” Why? Well, because she wants to see you so she makes it easier to meet up with her = she’s interested in you).
And, if she declines a second date invitation without offering a specific day and time that DOES work for her (“Let’s do it some other time” doesn’t count), then we forget her number and move on to the next awesome woman we meet. And, my friend, that’s why women get so hot and bothered whenever we come around. =)
Our time is valuable and we choose to spend it with women who are interested in us and who make our lives better vs. women who aren’t interested and who cause us more problems.
Our attention is valuable. A good woman can earn more and more of it SLOWLY over time. How? By showing us how awesome she is each time she gets to see us.
And if you struggle a lot with being too available, I highly suggest that you get a hobby that you love . Start filling your life with things that you genuinely enjoy no matter what’s happening in your dating life. Because that will make you less available, and therefore much more attractive, automatically and in the healthiest way possible. And then, if you haven’t already, make sure you’re taking all the steps you can take. Make sure a woman’s interest in you keeps going UP over time instead of crashing into the ground.
Alright sir, I hope you found this helpful…