Before we do, someone asked me the other day:
How do you handle good morning texts or good night texts?
I used to vary mine up like I could have a soppy one or a just a simple good morning or nothing at all. My point of view was at the time if I keep doing it it loses its value and that’s before I learned about this stuff…
Now where I messed up probably was in texting through the day. Mine were definitely coming off as blunt to her. And I was too available at times.
I realise the importance of space now. And should keep things light and playful.
I decided to share M.L.’s message before I get into the critical idea we’re discussing today because a big part of my response is all about today’s topic… So, here’s what I have to say about all of this:
Hi M.L., Great to hear from you! First of all, it’s awesome that you realize you must give a woman SPACE in order for her feelings for you to grow. Well done… Also, texting throughout the day is a bad idea as you mentioned…so, 2 big points for you sir. However, “My texts were coming off as blunt to her…” is NOT one of your problems here in my opinion.
And, the most important thing in your email is this: “How do you handle good morning texts or good night texts?” Here’s the answer: You DON’T send her good morning or good night texts. You can do that if a woman is already deeply in love with you, she’s already your official girlfriend AND you’ve been dating her for at least 3 months or if she’s your wife, but not before that. Why?
Because during the beginning stages of dating (the first 2-3 months and 6-10 dates), you MUST eliminate the one thing I mentioned earlier if you want her feelings for you to go UP instead of taking a fatal nosedive.
What is that ONE THING that might be holding you back? However that once you eliminate it makes you much more successful with any woman you meet? I call it: RELATIONSHIP PRESSURE. And what is relationship pressure? Anything that implies that you’re already in a relationship with her or that you want to be in a relationship with her in the beginning stages of dating.If you put any RELATIONSHIP PRESSURE on her in the early stages of dating, it will kill her interest in you Click To Tweet
And, if you eliminate every whiff of relationship pressure, it will allow her interest in you to grow… Listen, you are responsible for LEADING your relationship with a woman forward… You’re responsible for asking for her number, asking her out, going for a kiss by the end of the second date, etc. Moreover, it’s your job to lead this dance. And, it’s your job to escalate the physical part of the relationship as well.
However, it’s HER job to escalate the relationship. She’s responsible for it and only she knows when the time is right. That’s why we wait until SHE brings up the idea of being in a relationship before we ask her to be our girlfriend. And before that time, we don’t want to bring it up AT ALL or even imply it. We just keep asking her out and having fun with her until she brings it up: HER after 6 awesome dates:"Hey, I'm enjoying hanging out with you so much…by the way, where is this relationship headed?" <==This is how you know her interest in you is high enough to ask her to be your girlfriend. Click To Tweet
So, now that we’re aware of this, let’s say you’ve been on 3 dates with an amazing woman… When you send her a text like: “Good morning beautiful :)” OR “Good night =)” Especially when you start doing it every day/night… What does that do? Yep, it implies that you two are already together… And, you’re NOT.
It’s TOO SOON for that kind of behavior. If she does it, it’s fine. If you do it, it can destroy your chances with her. It’s simply not necessary to send a woman texts like this and it can ONLY hurt you. Plus, her interest in you rises the most when she’s thinking about you andwondering what you’re doing & when/if you will text her. And she can’t do that if you send her “good morning” and “good night” texts instead of giving her time and space away from you and your attention.
So, from now on, we DO NOT send a woman texts like this. Some guys even send this kind of text to a woman they like before they even go out with her on one date.
How do I know? Because a few years ago I was seeing a woman… And, when we woke up together in my bed one gorgeous fall morning, she showed me a text from a guy she worked with who wanted to date her but who she hadn’t gone out with before: “Good morning beautiful…” Ironic that she read his text from my bed. And that’s exactly how this works. =)
Honestly, I felt a little bad for him because he’s a good guy… He just doesn’t understand anything that we talk about here in this newsletter yet. If he did, he might have been able to actually date her instead of sending her little texty-texts every morning. Because she might have liked him instead of losing any interest she might have had in him when he showed his interest too much too soon. <==This is what we ultimately want; our interest in her doesn’t really matter very much in all of this…
So, from now on eliminate RELATIONSHIP PRESSURE completely at all times. Because, ironically, that will give you the best chance of actually BEING in a relationship with a woman. <==This is the biggest key. And here are 2 more ways you can get rid of relationship pressure: 1. When you’re on a date, DO NOT think about how great it would be if she was your girlfriend… Just focus on having fun with her and getting to know her.
So, from now on eliminate RELATIONSHIP PRESSURE completely at all times. Because, ironically, that will give you the best chance of actually BEING in a relationship with a woman. <==This is the biggest key. And here are 2 more ways you can get rid of relationship pressure: 1. When you're on a date, DO NOT think about how great it would be if she was your girlfriend... Just focus on having fun with her and getting to know her.When you're relaxed like this and she doesn't feel any relationship pressure from you, she starts getting A LOT more interested in being in a relationship with you. Click To Tweet
This is actually the thing that helped me improve with women the most… Once I eliminated relationship pressure from my interactions with women, things started to fall into place almost automatically for me. And I want that for you too.
2. Don’t bring up the topic of being in a relationship with her or talk about the future…Also, don’t ask her to marry you or to be your girlfriend on the first date haha (in fact, if you “break up with her” on your first date that works 1000x better – try it: “What?! Really…? I can’t believe you like X band! I’m so sorry but I have to break up with you/divorce you now.” ;-). And don’t tell her how good you would be together… Aviod telling her how much you like her and want to be with her… Don’t try to convince her that you would be a good boyfriend or ask her to imagine you guys being together…
Stop introducing her to your friends and family and start calling her your girlfriend with them or in public after just a few dates… Never ask her, “Hey, what should we name our first child? I was thinking about it the other day and I came up with Jonathan for a boy and Regina if it’s a girl…What do you think?” (you might be able to do this in a joking way if you know how to do it exactly right…most guys shouldn’t chance it). Don’t do ANYTHING that implies that you’re already together.
Just keep asking her out and having as much fun as possible with her without any RELATIONSHIP PRESSURE AT ALL. <==This is actually the quickest, most effective path to attracting a girlfriend and/or wife who’s actually into you and who treats you like the awesome guy you really are. Again, let HER bring up the idea of being together…
Moreover Let her become so overwhelmed by how much fun she’s having with you and how great she feels around you and how that she just can’t help herself anymore and she can’t think of anyone she wants to be with more than you or anything she wants more than to be in a relationship with you. <==This is called high interest… Clearly, at that point, you can ask her to be your girlfriend if you want. And, once she agrees, you can text her, “Good night beautiful :)” ONCE a few nights later if you want. =)