The Thing About TOUCHING Women

Touching is EXTREMELY important when it comes dating… After all, one of the biggest differences between a woman who’s your friend and a woman who’s your lover, girlfriend,or wife is the way you touch each other. And, touching is an even bigger deal for most women than it is for you. If you touch a woman the wrong way, at the wrong time, or when she doesn’t want to be touched, you can turn her off completely, lose your job, or even go to jail. And, when a woman touches you, it’s almost never by accident. Even if the touch seems accidental to you.

<==Start looking for this and paying attention to it; you’ll see what I mean if you don’t already. 

Touching is super-charged communication for human beings, especially women.

“Touching is a big deal for women…”

So, should you touch a woman during your first conversation with her? Should you touch her on the first date? How about the second date? And, if you should touch her, how should you do it? We’ll cover all of that today.

The one about TOUCHING Women…

So, should you touch a woman during your first conversation with her, on your first date with her, or on your second date with her? Well, here’s the BEST answer: IT DEPENDS… Here’s what I mean:

1. If your goal is to sleep with as many women as possible as quickly as you can, then you absolutely MUST touch a woman during your first conversation with her and on all of your dates with her.


Because touching a woman (properly) will quickly filter OUT any woman who doesn’t want to sleep with you right away and filter IN women who are down to hook up.

 And, if that’s your main goal, then that’s a good thing… 

And, if you do it right, slowly escalating your touches can be a good way to both test a woman to see if she wants to sleep with you right away and set the stage for getting physical with her quickly.

 That’s why so many “PUA’s” and people in the “men’s community” talk about “physical escalation.” Touching is very important when it comes to seduction.

2. On the other hand, if you’re looking for a girlfriend or wife and you want her to fall deeply in LOVE with you, you should NOT touch a woman during your first conversation with her or your first date with her.

This is why “PUA’s” generally don’t give the best advice when it comes to long-term relationships. If your main goal is to find a good woman to be your girlfriend or wife, you should let the tension build a little more and allow it more time to work. 

Why? Well, first of all, some of the best women out there in terms of who would make a great long-term partner for you don’t want to be touched aggressively right away and you will filter them OUT if you start touching them a lot on the first date. Not what we want. 

And, secondly, here’s the MOST important thing about this: A great long-term relationship is based on FEMALE INTEREST. In other words, the more interested a woman is in you, the better your relationship with her will be. And, the lower her interest in you, the worse your connection will be. Female interest is where a good LTR starts

 And, if she's not interested in you as a romantic partner, there's no way you can have a good long-term relationship with her. Click To Tweet We have to ignore our high interest in a woman and start looking at her interest level. <==This is what successful men do Click To Tweet

You don’t need to signal your intent…Trust me: she knows you want to sleep with her and/or be with her. You signal your intent loud and clear when you ask her out on a date, playfully tease her, go for a kiss, etc. So, you don’t have to worry about being put in the friend zone just because you hold back on touching her for one or two dates.

What we want is for her to signal her intent.

And her signals are more subtle than yours in general. And guess what one of the STRONGEST indicators of real female interest happens to be? That’s right… HER touching YOU. 

If a woman touches you, even “accidentally,” it can be a powerful indicator of interest (you still have to figure out if she’s just a “toucher” in general or if she’s actually interested in you, but that’s an advanced class)… And the more she touches you, the stronger the signal. 

Here’s the key: A woman who’s interested in you will find a way to touch you on your first date with her:

She’ll tap your arm when you tease her… OR she’ll “accidentally” brush your foot under the table… And she’ll “accidentally” brush your shoulder with her shoulder when you’re both trying to sit down… Again she’ll “accidentally” leave her leg touching yours when you sit next to each other… She’ll push you playfully when you’re standing and talking… She’ll touch your upper arm or hug you at the end of the date… Etc. And she won’t have the opportunity to show her interest in you by touching you if you do it first.

 Make sense?  Awesome. 

So, if you want a long-term relationship, DO NOT touch a woman during your first conversation with her or on your first date with her…  Click To Tweet

Instead, see if she touches you. Lean back, relax, have fun with her, notice when she touches you, and count how many times she touches you.  

Instead of touching her, see if SHE touches YOU…

If a woman doesn't touch me at least ONCE on the first date, I would never call or text her again.  Click To Tweet

That’s how strong this indicator of interest can be. And if that’s too harsh for you, you can see if she touches you at all on the second date and then stop contacting her if she doesn’t, but this signal tends to be very accurate. 

Listen, even the most “conservative” women will find a way to touch you (probably in a “harmless” way if she’s shy, nervous, or “conservative”) if they are interested in you. I PROMISE.

So this is one of the best possible tests you have to determine her interest in you. And, by the way, to a point this also makes you a CHALLENGE.

 If she knows you like her and you're just relaxing and having fun with her and you DON'T touch her, she'll wonder why and her wondering about anything you're doing raises her interest in you.  Click To Tweet

That’s why I never go for a kiss until the second date at this point: I want to let that tension build until she can’t take it any more. Then, when I do go for the kiss, it’s amazing.

Remember: It's better for her to be frustrated that you're moving things along too slowly than it is for her to get turned off because you're going too fast like all the other guys she gets rid of. Click To Tweet

On the other hand, as we always talk about,

you HAVE TO go for a kiss by the end of the second date...

We must push AND pull.  So, instead of touching her a lot during your first conversation with her and on your first two dates with her, let HER touch YOU and then, by the end of the second date, go for a kiss (if you want her to be your girlfriend/wife). 

And encourage her to touch you by playfully teasing her. <==This often results in playful “hits” to your arm, etc. And listen, this is very important: Even if you don’t touch her on the first date, it’s very important that you’re comfortable touching a woman. So, how do you touch a woman the right way?

How to Touch Women…

If you want to escalate things quickly, here’s how you do it: 

  • 1. Start with light, easy, comfortable, “innocent” touches. For example, give her a “high-five” or touch her on the outside of her upper arm.  Or, play a “thumb war” against her… Or, hold up one of your hands and have her hold her hand against yours to compare the size of your hand to hers (and then tease her playfully about having small or big hands)…

Find a way to touch her in a non-threatening, casual way. And, if she doesn’t want you to touch her at any point, don’t touch her. 

And, whenever you do touch her, do it firmly (not timidly) but not forcefully (don’t hurt her). Then, take your touch away BEFORE she wants you to. For example, don’t let your hand linger on her arm. 

  •  2. If she touches you back/accepts your light touches, you can try a little more personal touch: give her a hug (or side hug arm around her shoulder) and then push her away playfully, lift her up in the air, touch her lower back, etc. 
  • 3. If she seems to enjoy it and/or touch you back, you can make it even more personal: Hold her hands while you talk to her, etc.
  •  4. Avoid touching her most private areas as long as possible. Yes, even if you’re trying to escalate things quickly. This helps you build tension. 
  • 5. Make her touch you and then pretend you didn’t want her to touch you. This one can be really fun: For example, grab her hand, put it on your bum, and then throw it off dramatically (don’t do it hard, just playfully) and say, “Hey, watch it miss. I’m not that kind of guy ;-)” Flipping the “touching frame” on a female can be really funny and effective.  It cuts the tension and challenges her to touch you even more. And, again, when she touches you that’s the best possible scenario for you. 
  •  6. Isolate her: make sure you’re alone with her. Then, you can escalate your touches even more: Try lying with your head in her lap if she’ll let you. Play with her hair. Pull her head in gently yet firmly for a kiss (then pull back from the kiss first). Touch the areas around her most private areas a lot until she’s begging you to actually touch them.  
  • 7. Then, go for it. =) 

On the other hand, again, if you want her to fall deeply in love with you and become your committed girlfriend or wife, hold off on this for a couple dates.

See if SHE touches YOU. Be more relaxed about it. Let her get really comfortable touching you. When the time comes, you’ll be completely COMFORTABLE touching her, you’re just not going to do it a lot right away. And you’re definitely going to go for a kiss by the end of the second date.

<==This should be one of the first times you initiate touching her.  And here’s an advanced tactic you can use if your main goal is to attract a girlfriend or wife: After your first date with her, if you’re not going to kiss her (you can kiss her on the first date if you want; it just helps build more tension if you wait to kiss her until the second date. In fact, if you think she’s interested in you, always wait until the second date to make the kiss better.

And if you’re not sure if she’s interested in you or not, you can go for a kiss after your first date with her to see if she’s interested in you so you don’t waste time with her on a second date if she’s not.

Make sense? Awesome…) you can touch her ONCE by doing what I call

“The high-five and spin” technique…

 Just say, “I had so much fun with you today Amber,” while smiling with your eyes (leave your mouth closed)… 

 Then prompt her to give you a "high-five"...
 Then, when you touch hands, grab her hand and spin her around once like you're dancing with her.
 Then, say goodbye and walk away without looking back.

This is super charming and a great substitute for going for a kiss on the first date. If she seems to enjoy this move and then agrees to go out with you on a second date, you can be very confident that she wants to kiss you on the second date.

 And a move like this will make her like you more if she’s interested in you in the first place because it separates you from other men; it’s not likely that she’s experienced anything like that before.

And, when you sit back and let her touch you on the first date (while you are completely comfortable being there with her), and then you also take the LEAD in a physical way by grabbing her hand and spinning her around playfully… Click To Tweet

These two qualities are rarely found in one man and, in combination, they make a woman almost uncontrollably attracted to you. So try this out or something similar if you want. 

And now let’s recap and wrap this up:

  • If you want to sleep with as many women as you can as quickly as possible, go ahead and use touching to filter women in and out and to escalate your physical relationships with women quickly.  Just make sure you start with “innocent” touches, SLOWLY escalate the way you touch her, take away your touches before she wants you to, and stop immediately at any point if she wants you to stop.
  •  However, if you want a woman to fall deeply in love with you, hold off on the touching during your first conversation with her. Do this also on your first two dates. See if she touches you. Let things build up even more slowly. And then go for a kiss by the end of the second date.

 And now you’re a master at touching women. =) So go out there. Apply what you’ve learned to make at least one awesome, deserving female happy that she met you. 

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